A love story ended!

This story started already a long time ago, but the time and place of the ending, and also the way how it all finished was still uncertain. Until now!

In the dark and cold night, she arrived in Germany where everything was so different and unknown for her. It had never crossed her mind that one day she will decide to leave everything behind and move there. But life has a lot of surprises prepared!

He was being so nice and kind to her, and now he was giving her all the attention she always longed for. He, far away from his family and friends; she, the only one to give up everything and be always there to support him. He started to really appreciate what she sacrificed for him, to realize what she meant. He started to cherish her love for him and started to be the man she, long time ago, during a summer holiday, had fallen in love with.

It has been already three years since that moment when he came to pick her up from the airport, when she moved to Spain. They went through good and through bad moments, they grew up together. He was, in that place, far away from everything she knew, the only support she had.

She still had doubts before leaving all her beloveds behind. All the warnings she received all those years, from her family and friends, people that were now very far away. She was alone. But until that moment and until that place, she was never able to find any certain proof that he cheated or was cheating on her. This was the reason she decided to give the relationship a second chance, to start over, away from everything that could influence him in a bad way, and try to create a better future for them, together, with the same goals and sharing the same dreams. Or maybe she just wanted to convince herself that it was over.

And one day she finally did convince herself . . .  

When she thought she will be able to leave all the negative stuff behind, all the unslept nights, the stress, the bad thoughts, all the suspicions, she finds all the messages. She freezes, unable to move or to think straight. She just stared at the screen without not even blinking for few seconds, or minutes, or hours, she had no notion of time. She wasn’t even able to realize what all that really meant. It wasn’t just one, but a few. In those few seconds, that moment which seemed it lasted an eternity, she made a decision. She will go back to her family, with tears in the eyes and admit that they were right, and she was a fool all this time.

Did she really wanted to go back? She started to search immediately for flights. She will find an excuse to go back home. She was so ashamed, furious, desperate, angry, angry with herself, with him, she did not even know.

“Ok, breathe! Take it easy! You can do it!”, she would say to herself to try to calm down, to be able to think clear so she will not take a foolish decision.

She will stay in Germany. How? She had no idea. She could not speak the language, she did not know anyone except him, she did not even had a job. She was there since only one month!

First thing on the list. She must find a job. And, in less than one month she had one. She will hide him the fact that she knew everything. She will pretend that she had no idea.

Even today, after so long time, she cannot explain not even to herself how she was able to do that. She thinks it was a combination of feelings, revenge, hate, maybe love also, everything. Because she loved him. It was so hard to decide to break up with him after so long. They shared three years together. And there, in that place, away from everyone and everything, he started to be the perfect man for her.

Once she got the job, she moved out immediately. Her job required to be there the whole time and it was in a different city. So, she did not need to find an excuse to move out. They made plans, so it was perfect that in such a short time she found a job. He thought they will be able to achieve their plans sooner with both of them working. What he did not knew was that she was preparing a way to escape, a way to put some distance.

She left, and she left exactly one day before New Year’s Eve. She moved out. They were still together. He was still a part of her. They were visiting each other every two weeks. She was thinking that she could forgive him. Even if it might sound very stupid for some people, she still cared for him and thought that she can leave all behind. But that night when she was staring at the computer, alone in the house, and shaking with every centimeter of her body, was an every-day reminder that he considered her to be so naive.

She tried for a couple of months to make it work and put all the negative stuff in a box and hide that box very deep inside, deep inside her soul, deep inside in a part of her memory where she will not need to think about it.

But every time she would see him, she would be thinking about that night. Every time he was touching her, trying to show her his love, she will put more and more distance. She could not. She did not want to forget. She wanted to suffer and to feel the pain deep inside her heart so she would never make the same mistake again.

And when the wound was deep enough, she would go one weekend to visit him, make love for the last time, pick up the last things she still had there and leave. The words she said to him were: “I am leaving, but I am never coming back!”

Of course, he immediately realized what happened and the only way to defend himself was to deny everything. But it was impossible to deny it and his behavior made her feel even more stupid. Stupid for not having realized a long time ago, stupid for having waited to be in a foreign country, alone, only with him so she will find out, stupid for pushing people away, those people who loved her and tried to warn her because they just cared for her, for happiness, stupid for letting time pass by and be waiting for a miracle. Time does not wash away your memories.

And she left, finally! She left to never look back!

I am here, right now, in a random coffee shop surrounded by strangers. They do not see the person I was a long time ago. They see the women I am today. Also, my friends, they get to know the person I am now. But, if I would not went through this experience, how would I be now?

I had a period when I was judging myself for having waited so long until deciding to end that relationship. But not anymore. Right now, I think that was just the right place and the right moment. Why? Because that specific experience, and the others which arrived with the time, the ones that arrived with places I visited, and with the people I met along my way, all that formed the base of the person I am today.

And you? Could your story be similar with mine?

Version in Spanish: https://journeywithmada.com/historie-nr-4/

Version in Romanian: https://journeywithmada.com/povestea-nr-4/