A letter to my ex

I am here right now, enjoying a sunny day at the beach, thinking about everything that happened during these years, and I need to admit that I am feeling nostalgic. I must say that I feel happy with myself and I am also feeling in peace.

So many years already passed by and everything that happened between us was still present in some way, and unconsciously, influenced me. Sometimes more, and sometimes less, but it was there somehow. Every time a man tried to come closer to me or to get to know me better, I blocked that person without even realizing it. I was trying to keep myself safe and not to get hurt again, not to get disappointed or to suffer. Even though you can never be sure of this, it does not matter how much you try to protect yourself. This fear can also make you not notice persons that might be important to you.

I had a wall hard to get through it, I was not allowing anyone to come closer in a sentimental way. If someone were brave and patient enough to keep trying, I would just go away without even telling something.

So many things happened between us and I am convinced that you had your reasons to behave the way you did and, also to do the things you have done.

I also had my reasons to be the way I was at that moment.

I was a girl when we met, but I grew up next to you, I become a woman.

I will always remember the very first time we met. You and me, together during a whole summer. Then, the moment when I need it to leave and leave you behind, it arrived and I left but, when I decided to come back you were still there, waiting for me at the airport, with a smile on your face and ready to hug me.

I will always remember our first kiss is a couple, and when you grab my hand in the parking spot. You pulled me towards you with such a desire and then, in the middle of nowhere, it happened: we kissed.

Since that moment we remained together, and you were always there to support me and to motivate me to get better in different aspects.

And like this, without even realizing, with our journeys around the country, more than three years went by.

You already noticed that I am remembering all the stuff that filled my heart with joy at that time. It makes no point right now, to remember the negative ones. All the negative remained buried in the distant past. I feel nostalgic for the beautiful memories and the smiles lost in the sunrises and in the sunsets we watched.

Maybe one day you will read this letter! I know that you are extremely far away right now.

You have, for sure, redone your life like I have also redone mine. The reason why am writing this is to show you and also, to show myself that I do not hate you neither I have any hard feelings.

After so many years, I accepted that this was the way it was supposed to happen, and it wasn’t meant to be more than it was.

It took me a while to accept it, but after such a long time I just allow myself to sometimes remember only the nice memories we have together, those memories that will stay forever with me, and bring me relief when I feel the need.

I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you and I also forgive myself for everything.

I am happy and I feel free! I no longer carry the chain that kept attached to the past. I have untied myself and don’t feel the burden of the past stories. 

If one day you would read this, if you blamed yourself sometimes for that happened, I want you to know that I love you and I thank you!

I am grateful for everything that happened, and I want you to know that if it wasn’t for you and all what happened, I will not be today in the place I am and neither the way I am. I must confess that you have contributed indirectly, only known by me, to a large part of what I represent today.

I love you like you love a person which a long time ago was a part of your life, which a long time ago was important for you. This is the kind of love and affection I feel for you. And feeling this, it makes me happy!

This letter comes to an end, and the last thing I want to tell you is that I hope you were able to find the happiness you deserve and to find true love with someone right for you. I also hope that you can forgive me. Forgive me for all the things you might think I’ve done wrong and also for everything you consider I could have done better.

With this letter, I set myself free once again and continue my way with no regrets, no hate, and no hard feelings. Here is where my journey, where you also were part of, ends.

We met in the wrong place and the wrong moments of our lifes, when we wished for different things, or maybe it was the other way around, and it was just the right moment and the right place. I will now continue my journey, just by myself like a free soul I am, without any ghost from the past following me in the shadow.

With love, Mada!

Version in Spanish: https://journeywithmada.com/historia-nr-6/

Version in Romanian: https://journeywithmada.com/povesta-nr-6/