I do not want my world to keep falling apart

“I become colder and colder towards him, I was searching for a safe way to leave him, and he became more and more obsessed with me. I was afraid to leave him. He promised me I will never be safe if I leave him.

He was a smart person and he knew that something in me had changed. He took me out to an abandoned place with the excuse that we will have a walk next to the beach. Very calmly, he asked me if I had any intention to leave him? Very calmly, he asked me if I was still happy with him? Very calmly, he asked me to be honest with him, so we talk about what was happening.

I thought at that moment that I better be sincere with him and maybe we can talk as two grown-up people. I believed in him, I trusted him once again, I wished he could understand me. I have seen him talking so calmly that I burst into tears and acknowledge him that I cannot continue like this.

I can not continue to be a prisoner in my own life, I cannot accept to live like this, and I do not wish for a life like this, where I need to walk with my head down on the street because of is jealousy. I admitted that I cannot continue being cheated with so many women, I admitted that I cannot continue being mishandled in this way, physically and emotionally.

In that precise moment, when he heard those words you could see the anger in his eyes. I immediately regretted every word I said, but it was too late.

Do you remember in the first part of this story when I have mentioned he was practicing boxing? At that moment, I was the punching bag.

He abused my weakness until I could not bear it anymore. It was an abandoned place so screaming will not be of any help. I hoped, I wished he would stop but he did not. Until I did not swear to him, in front of a church that I will not leave him, he did not stop. He threatened that he will beat me every time he will see me if I did not swear.

I went then home, and I tried to cover all the blue spots with long clothes and a lot of makeup. During the summertime, it was awful, but I was afraid to go and talk to someone. I was even frightened to tell my parents, afraid for myself and afraid also of what could happen to them. He knew a lot of people, and not necessarily good ones.

After more than ten years passed by and I still have nightmares with him kidnapping me. For me, he becomes a monster, I was living in a nightmare and I could not go out of it.

I started to go every week to church and to pray to God to help me get rid of him and live a normal life. Ironical, isn’t it?

He made me go with him everywhere he went and to do everything he wanted to. I need it to lie to my parents because I could not tell them that I was together with him. I was hopeless. I felt hopeless and defeated.

He would continue telling me every time that if I decide to leave him, he will chase me, and cut my face so I will stay with a scar for my whole life and no one will be able to love me anymore. He would continue telling me every time that if I decide to leave him, he will pay gypsies to do harm to my parents so no one will know that it was him.

I could not handle that pain anymore, I could not handle the fear anymore, the nightmare that I was every day waking in. I risked and went to my father.

All my world has crushed at that moment and I told him everything. I was afraid, I was terrified for what it will come, I do not even remember.

My father is a very imponent man and when he talks everyone listens to him. He went and he had a serious conversation with him. After that, he had another conversation with both of us and asked me in front of him if I really wish not to see him ever again, if I really want him forever out of my life?

I immediately said yes, and he left. You will think this is the end of the story, and it was kind of the beginning of the closure. The next two following years, he would follow me everywhere, he would call me names, he would swear at me, he would throw with different objects on the street.

After two years, I started college and I could start a new life far away from him. But the scars, the ones from inside and the ones from outside, are still there. And it will continue to be there until I leave this world.”

I am here right now, having still this conversation with my friend. I could say I am speechless. I do not have so many things to opinion because I did not felt the things she had felt, I did not experience the trauma she experienced, I did not have those feelings of being afraid for your own life and the life of your beloved ones.

I just see the things from the exterior and I must admit that I am impressed. I am impressed by her story, I am impressed by her strength to continue, I am impressed by her desire to live her life the way she wants and not being kept closed in a cage, I am impressed by her power, her willingness to still trust people.

We all make mistakes in every phase of our life, but the most important thing is to learn something from them and not to make them a second time! Everyone has the right to search for their happiness!

What is your story?

Version in Spanish: https://journeywithmada.com/historia-nr-14–segunda-parte/

Version in Romanian: https://journeywithmada.com/povestea-nr-14—partea-a-doua/