Can we sacrifice for others?

“Why do people decide to have or not to have children? The reasons are countless, and, in her opinion, there should be only one: a genuine, pure love for the other.

She has seen different cases, met different people and listened to different stories. Very few had the same reason in common: love, the immeasurable love for your partner, and love for the little human being that will grow inside a woman’s body.

She was aware that 30 years ago, when it was not even in her parents’ plans, in the 70s or 80s, people were not informed about the protection measures. So, it was very normal for a family to have more than four members, including children.

While growing up she has heard different stories. These stories refer to people who are not extremely religious, because, in her opinion, the reasons are slightly different from a religious person to a person who is not religious.

She has listened to stories where the couple got married incredibly young and their families put a lot of pressure on them to have a child in the first year of marriage. Feeling pressure from their families, they followed the so-called “tradition” and got pregnant very quickly and very young. No one can prepare a person for what a life with children means, so each day is a new journey, each day is a new discovery, and this can bring couples closer together and grow together or the exact opposite can happen and separate them.

She has listened to stories about couples in which the mutual love was fading, so they were considering that perhaps a child would rekindle the flame that was slowly, slowly dying. In her opinion, this may work for a while, but after the months and years have passed by, if something breaks, even if you try to put all the pieces together and fastened them together, it will be only this, pieces together but the base remained still broken.

She has listened to stories of couples in which one of them wanted to end the relationship and the other person did not agree at all, and either the man intentionally got the woman pregnant, or the other way around. Again, it is not the best reason to use a child as an excuse or reason to maintain a relationship that is destined to end sooner or later, even if you like it or not.

She has listened to stories about couples where they just wished for someone to be there, next to them, when they were older and couldn’t fend for themselves. They considered that children are morally obliged to take care of their parents when they cannot do it for themselves.

They felt that children own them, after all the sacrifice they made raising them, after all the nights they wasted staying up and trying to figure out what the baby needs, after all the money they spent on diapers, infant milk, doctors, clothes, and the list is endless. They considered that children owe them that at least after them having sacrificed part of their lives to raise them as well as possible.


Was that the best reason to decide to have a child? Was it genuine? Children naturally feel that they need to take care of their elderly parents, but in the end, he or she did not choose to come to this world, the parents did. He did not choose to exist, the parents did.

She has listened to stories about couples who desperately wanted a child because they did not want their last name to die, to fade over time. People who owned companies and built an empire but had no heirs yet. Didn’t that show a bit of selfishness in that respective person?

Wasn’t that a great pressure for someone who wasn’t even born yet? Wasn’t that a great expectation for an unborn baby? And how is it that someone is born and already has their whole life planned? How can someone not have the power to decide what is best for themselves? How is it that someone does not discover for themselves what they like and what they don’t like? Isn’t this unfair to the other person?

Who are we to decide the life of other people?”

I’m here right now, in a random café, and on the next table is a sweet little boy with his parents. He looks happy and so do the parents. The father holds his little daughter who is still a baby in his arms.

I cannot speak from my own experience because I am not yet a mother. Maybe one day I’ll become one, and maybe life decides I’m not cut out for being a mother. I will accept both situations.

What I wonder is whether people can still offer pure and genuine love to someone?

I wonder if someone can offer himself, in all his sense, to a baby, and love him unconditionally without expecting anything in return?

I wonder if people can lack interest, ulterior motives, own reasons?

I wonder if people will end up not caring about what society thinks if you are over thirty, still single, and have no kids?

I wonder if we can offer until the last breath of our entire lives to that little human being, who depends on us, without asking for anything in return, without expecting anything for our sacrifice and everything we invest, financially and emotionally?

I wonder how many people ask these questions before deciding to have a baby. I’m not saying, anyway or otherwise, that something is wrong, or that something is right, or that my questions are important or not. Things are as important as we consider they are.

I just know for myself that when I will find an answer to all these questions, I may decide to be a mother. When I feel that I am completely unselfish, that I am willing to offer myself completely and dedicate myself totally and dedicate my whole life to the other person, perhaps then I decide to be a mother.

If life decides otherwise, I will accept my faith as it is written or as I write it myself!

What is your story?

Version in Spanish: https://journeywithmada.com/historia-nr-21/

Version in Romanian: https://journeywithmada.com/povestea-nr-21/