Friend’s opinion regarding who you are dating

“She was in Germany for a long time now. Several years passed by, she built friendships, she changed jobs, she changed apartments, but she was very happy, more than never. She had a routine that she was enjoying a lot. Her mind and her heart were now safe and healed.

She managed to establish beautiful friendships and she was grateful for that. Leaving her friends behind when she moved, was one of the most difficult things to do. She appreciated the good people she had in her life, but they were far away now. With time, some people stay behind and just some of them continue to be next to you. This is the natural course of life that no one can change, and she was left just with a few of them and with a bunch of unforgettable memories.

This country offered her the chance to also meet special people and build nice bonds with them. She was in a phase of her life where she was open to new challenges and very confident in herself. She discovered she loves the unknown, she is not afraid anymore of it.

One day, without even planning or thinking too much she goes on a date with a man she met through common friends. You can say it was a blind date – the first and the last. She did not expect to like him and was quite negative about it. After a few weeks, things were quite serious between them. Everything happened so quickly, it was so unexpected.

But aren’t these the moments where you most enjoy in life: those where you don’t plan anything, and it just happens? Aren’t these the moments where you most enjoy in life with people that you never thought you might have something in common?

She enjoyed every moment with him. She was feeling amazing, she was feeling beautiful, she was feeling appreciated, she was feeling desired and protected. A new world opened for her. After so many years of being single, she appreciated his company.

It is true that when you meet someone you just see the positive things, and the more time you spend with that person, the less objective you will be able to be or to think. In the beginning, is just flowers and hearts, you are on a cloud, a daydreamer (laughing).

She was living life like she never lived before, she was doing things she had never done before, she was experiencing situations that she had never experienced before, she was having feelings she never felt in her entire life, so it is easy to get caught in the moment and not to realize that the reality can be other. Or at least, with other’s people eyes.

The only thing she was certain of was that the relationship will not continue for too long. She had other plans, and she was convinced that their ways will separate in some moment, very soon. She had another future planned for herself. She knew that will not be able and will not want to sacrifice her future for a man. She will not do the same mistake once again. It will last how long it is supposed to last, not more, and not less.

A very good friend of hers had the opportunity to meet that person. She was an important person for her. It seemed they were getting along quite well. She never said something negative about him.

One year later, when she was living already in another country, when she had no contact anymore to that man, both of them sat down, had a glass of wine, and talked.

She finds out that her friend never liked him, that she had a quite bad opinion, not only about him but also about her behavior during the time they spent together. She could not believe what she was hearing. Why now? Why now when nothing can be changed and the silence was kept, and it already harmed their friendship?

On one side, she felt sad because she was an extremely important person for her and their friendship meant a lot, and for the other side, she also felt a bit disappointed. Aren’t friends there to tell you that you are doing something wrong when they consider so? Aren’t friends there to tell you not to be naive?

It was already too late to change something regarding that situation. That might also be the moment where the bond between them started to break more and more. After a time, the bond will not exist anymore. She continued her life questioning herself, now and then what she could do to recover that friendship. What she could do to change that situation and bring that person back into her life?”

I am here right now, surrounded by strangers in a random coffee, remembering all this and it’s sad to go back to the past and think of it. If it wasn’t an important person, would have been much easier, but a friendship of several years filled with nice memories, a lot of laughs, journeys, and funny moments, where you invested years of your life and feelings, emotions. It breaks my heart and bring tears to my eyes.

Friends were and still are for me especially important, because is like the family you have chosen, so it is always sad and hard to say goodbye. You will blame yourself; you will question yourself, but the reality is that you can never change the past and a relationship, even between friends is formed by two people.

Should friends tell their opinion about your choices? Should friends tell their opinion about your relationships? Should they influence in your decisions?

What I do know is that you should talk about everything that might bother you, because if not, you look behind one day, and that person is not sitting next to you anymore. If you keep for yourself the issues that you might have, it will just become bigger and bigger with the time, and when you finally decide to talk it might be too late.

A special friend of mine said to me some time ago: “Friends are there to support you and pick up your broken heart and help you put all the pieces back together.”

And you? What is your story regarding this topic?

Version in Spanish: https://journeywithmada.com/historia-nr-13/

Version in Romanian: https://journeywithmada.com/povestea-nr-13/