A different way of defining, at a different age, the concept “relationship”

“After several days spent in Spain, she was driving back home. She booked a carsharing until Madrid, that means she was supposed to spend more than 2 hours with a stranger in the car, but a stranger can become someone you know, and someone you know can become a friend.

She came to pick her up and from the beginning, they had a nice conversation. She was in her mid-forties, in her fifties, but in unbelievable good shape. She was traveling a lot around Spain, but also outside the country whenever she had the opportunity and the money, of course.

She had a small van, a dog, she loved animals, and almost every weekend when she had some free time, she will take the van and go to the mountain and take long walks.

She was married once and had two children from that marriage. Now, she was divorced but was in a relationship. The kids were growing up and she realized that in a few years they will make their own life and she would be left alone in a big house. Now also, when they were teenagers, they preferred to spend time and go on vacation with friends instead of staying home with her. She knew that this is the natural course of life.

After divorcing her husband, she began a relationship. She went through a difficult period because she was diagnosed with cancer. That person was by her side the entire time and offered his support from the very beginning until the end.

Something was missing, she felt empty inside, she felt it was not the right thing to continue with that relationship. She cared for him but was uncertain if it was love or the necessity, the need to have someone by her side not to be alone, the gratitude for being there for her when she need it the most.

She felt she was a bad and ungrateful person for even thinking of ending that relationship because he was genuinely kind to her. But was that love? Even though she felt terrible, that relationship come to an end. They continued to be friends because they were sharing the same hobbies and they cared for each other.

When she found out after a while that he started dating another woman, she felt jealous, or was it just her ego, and called him back. Still, after they got back into the relationship, it felt incomplete, it just felt wrong. For the second time, after truly acknowledging what the problem was and that was inside her, she realized that she need it to deal with that problem by herself, she was completely honest with him. They remained friends! Honesty is appreciated, even in difficult situations.

She realized that the only problem was her fear of being alone and was not fair to use him. After dedicating her whole life to others, to her husband, to her marriage, to her children, to her family, she was afraid of loneliness. The husband with whom she formed a family had left, the children were growing up and becoming independent, they did not need it her as when they were little.

She started doing more things for and by herself. At first, it was just small hikes, after then little hikes turn into longer hikes, the long hikes turn into a whole day outdoors, the days turn into weekends where she will take her van and travel somewhere. And so, she discovered she can be more than happy alone. She did not need anyone. And, once you are happy and sufficient with yourself, you can then contribute to the happiness of others.

Now she was in a relationship, a long-distance relationship. This fact did not mean anything negative for her. She really enjoyed it. Why?

At her age, the priorities were, are and will always be her children. So, the person who decides to have a relationship with her, must be aware that he will always be on a second place, and this is completely normal when you have children. He also has a daughter, so he understood her situation perfectly.

They shared the same hobbies so whenever they had time and wanted to see each other they will take the van and will go to spend the weekend together.

They both had their busy lives and routine during the week, due to work and the daily things that one is supposed to do, and they never forced the situation if they did not feel like they wanted to be together or spend time with each other. Without seeing each other every day or frequently, each time they met, they enjoyed each other so much because they had time to miss the other person. Without putting the stress of work on the other person, their relationship was amazing.

Because they saw each other from time to time, they will offer the best of them and enjoy every moment. The desire to make the other person happy and to show the best version of oneself, to offer affection and cuddles was stronger than by the couples they meet every day. For them it was perfect as it was, without ties, without a label, without stress, and without obligations.

And she arrived in Madrid and the story will end soon!”

I am here right now, in a random coffee in this city that gets more crowded with each passing day. People come and go and sometimes a stranger can become a friend. Sometimes you find that you see yourself in the other person, the way the other person thinks, the values they have, the lifestyle, the behavior, the mindset, the things they achieved and the dreams they have. And you realize that in such a big world, you will always meet someone to teach you something. You just need to listen and pay attention!

The idea we have of a relationship when we are in our twenties and how this can change when we reach our fifties is very different. Priorities change and so do the values you seek in a person. You do not focus so much on the physical aspect and you look more inside a person.

You are looking for a companion with whom to share some moments of your life but is not a necessity because you are more than enough by yourself! You realize that you are having this life for the good times, not for a long one.

What is your story?

Version in Spanish: https://journeywithmada.com/historia-nr-17/

Version in Romanian: https://journeywithmada.com/povestea-nr-17